Growing up Autistic, I believe my difficulties with communication strengthened my empathy for animals. It broke my heart that no matter how desperately and clearly they communicated their terror and pain, they were ignored and discounted.
I’ve wanted to speak on this topic for some time now, but I’m honestly worried I won’t be able to do it justice. I know I won’t be able to convey everything I want to convey, but I wanted to try, best I can. I do want to be clear that I do not speak for all Autistics. I am sharing my own personal experience. Every Autistic person is different.
I didn’t know I was Autistic until my thirties. It’s only been in the last handful of years that I’ve been able to look back on my life through the lens of Autism and better understand so much of my experiences, and the ways in which I see and relate to the world around me. Looking back, I believe my Autism has been an integral factor in my connecting with non-human animals.
I’m far from the first Autistic person to draw this association. Perhaps the most prominent voice on this topic is animal behaviorist Temple Grandin, who has spent decades designing slaughterhouse equipment. Grandin has written extensively on how being Autistic allows her to put herself in the place of animals; how she can understand how they think, what scares them, what makes them feel safe.1 And, how she uses that profound connection to design “better” and “friendlier” ways to systematically slaughter them.2
I, on the other hand, arrived at a different conclusion.3
Growing Up Autistic: Connecting with Animals Through My Communication Struggles
It never once occurred to me that non-human animals don’t have thoughts, emotions, desires, and rich interior lives all their own. While I didn’t know it at the time, looking back, I believe this was due to my own Autistic experience.
I knew how it felt to never be truly understood.
And it broke my heart thinking of what non-human animals were experiencing at the hands of humans; that no matter how desperately and clearly they communicated their terror and pain, they were ignored and discounted.
tweet this— Emily Moran Barwick
My entire life, I’ve felt like everyone had some manual that I’d failed to receive. Human interaction and communication is utterly baffling to me. Growing up, out of necessity, I became something of a child anthropologist—observing the behavior of the people around me and doing my best to approximate what I thought was expected. Navigating everyday interactions was—and is—an exhausting, intellectually and emotionally-demanding process.
This was made all the more distressing by the fact that I felt everything so intensely. There was so much I was experiencing and wanted to communicate—yet it was impossible to translate it out to those around me. But, just because I couldn’t express everything in a way others could understand, didn’t mean I wasn’t going through it.
I assumed this was the same for others—human and non-human alike. That just because non-human animals couldn’t speak in a way humans could fully understand, didn’t mean they weren’t capable of thought, emotion, or communication. In fact, I was certain they were communicating. Just as I was. It was only that humans couldn’t understand their language at the level they could, just as people around me couldn’t understand mine.
I knew how profoundly frustrating, isolating and demoralizing it was to be unable to convey what I wanted to convey. I knew how it felt to never be truly understood. And it broke my heart thinking of what non-human animals were experiencing at the hands of humans; that no matter how desperately and clearly they communicated their terror and pain, they were ignored and discounted.
Remembering What We Knew as Children
Honestly, I think most people do connect with non-human animals in their childhood. If you put a piglet or chicken in front of a child, they will want to play with them. But we’re taught to conditionally sever this connection: this animal is okay to love, this animal is okay to eat; love Babe the pig, but eat bacon; watch Finding Nemo, but eat fish; love dogs, eat cows. Over time we separate ourselves from the most fundamental truth we knew inherently as kids: that it’s not okay to hurt others.
For me, this separation never seemed to fully take. One of the most troubling—and, frankly offensive—theories about Autism is that Autistic people are deficient or totally lacking in empathy. More recent theories of Autism propose that the exact opposite is true: that “rather than being oblivious, autistic people take in too much and learn too fast. [That] they are actually overwhelmed not only by their own emotions, but by the emotions of others.”4 This certainly is the case for me.
As odd as it may sound, I empathize to a debilitating degree. I can’t help but put myself in the place of others, including non-human animals. Growing up, I assumed that others did this as well, which made cruel or even simply inconsiderate behavior seem all the more menacing. I couldn’t understand how people could knowingly harm one another and other sentient beings. I couldn’t understand how they could be so seemingly disconnected.
How could they not recognize the piercing screams of pigs being lowered into a gas chamber as an expression of pain. How could they not recognize the cries of a mother cow in the dairy industry after her calf has been ripped from her side as an expression of grief and anguish. I couldn’t understand why so many people didn’t appear to see what seemed so clear to me. And honestly, it hardened me some to humanity, because I assumed it was intentional blindness
Living Without a Filter
You see, my brain doesn’t filter things the way most peoples’ brains do. Once I become aware of something, I have no way of turning it off. I essentially take in everything all at once, all the time. I feel everything all at once, all the time. For me, everyday life is often neurologically traumatic.
While certainly exhausting and challenging, I believe this aspect of my neurology eventually led me to a better understanding of the disconnect many people have when it comes to non-human animals. As well as the resistance many people have to going vegan. Truly confronting what sentient beings are subjected to for our dietary choices is itself traumatic. It’s ripping off the blinders and seeing what you can never unsee.
As someone who has no ability to filter, I understand how extremely painful it is to suddenly be overwhelmed by the suffering all around you—in every glass of milk, cut of meat, and carton of eggs. And I understand why someone would resist that pain of awareness. Eventually, rather than viewing non-vegan resistance as willful blindness, ignorance or uncaring, I began to see the majority as springing from understandable self-preservation.
Judging Non-human Animals Through a Human Lens
Recognizing the obvious emotionality of non-human animals is often criticized as anthropomorphizing—attributing human emotions and intentions to non-human animals. But there is a stark difference between personifying animals and striving to see from their perspective.
We humans have a tendency to define everything through our own lens of reference. This is understandable in many ways given it’s the only lens we’ve ever seen through. However, it’s a highly problematic approach that invalidates the experiences of everyone unlike ourselves.
I think most people do connect with non-human animals in their childhood. But we’re taught to conditionally sever this connection.
Over time we separate ourselves from the most fundamental truth we knew inherently as kids: that it’s not okay to hurt others.
tweet this— Emily Moran Barwick
An example of this within our own species is the history of our understanding of Autism. I want to note that the complex and ever-developing field of Autism research is well beyond the scope of this article—so please know that what I’m touching on cannot help but be a gross oversimplification and is by no means meant to be comprehensive. Please see the further resources in the linked citation for more thorough information.5
Autism has long been viewed as a “defect,” characterized by cognitive deficits,6 affecting areas such as social skills, executive functioning, communication, and—what I find most objectionable—empathy.7
Autistics were—and often still are—ranked by levels of functioning, with non-verbal Autistics generally labeled as “low-functioning.” This is a perfect illustration of assessing the Autistic person through a non-Autistic lens: just because someone is non-verbal doesn’t mean they cannot or are not communicating. Of course, if a non-verbal Autistic puts things into an accepted format, like the written word, suddenly their level of functioning and validity of experience is reconsidered.
In a similar manner, we are consistently astounded by non-human animals’ emotional capacities. Every now and again there’s a new article or study expounding upon the amazing possibility that animals experience complex emotions, or are far more intelligent than we once thought.
Yet somehow, despite this happening time and again, we don’t take these revelations to their ultimate conclusion: that animals obviously possess multifaceted inner lives that we are not privy to. They have been thinking and feeling long before we were able to “prove” it within our own framework of understanding.
The same, unfortunately, holds true for pain perception. Humans have long carried out horrific experiments to determine if animals feel pain. I have an entire video and article on whether fish feel pain that delves into this in more depth. But the takeaway is: for the centuries that humans have been hurting animals to prove for ourselves that they could feel, they were feeling.
So, why not assume that they do feel? Why not assume that they do emote? Why should they have to suffer to prove to us within our own limited understanding that they are sentient beings?
Being Their Advocate, Not Their Voice
I’ve really struggled with putting this article together. There is so very much I wanted to convey that I’m simply unable to. While I am verbal, the process it takes for me to put things into words is extremely difficult. And honestly, words can’t help but fail to fully capture what I’m meaning to express. This is especially true when I’m attempting to describe my Autistic experience. The dominant means of human communication are limiting, and profoundly challenging to navigate.
While I think my experience of feeling more at ease with non-human animals is hardly unique, I do believe that animals—in many ways—have helped me survive being Autistic in a non-Autistic world. And I cannot help but try to advocate for them. Not to be their voice, nor speak for them. They have voices all their own. They communicate quite effectively. We just don’t listen.
While this article hasn’t been everything I wanted it to be, I hope at the very least that sharing how I see the world differently may help others begin to think differently.
— Emily Moran Barwick
This video and article are dedicated to Ooby and published on her birthday, in her memory. She taught me how profoundly deep of a connection is possible.
Learn more about the impact she left on the world in her tribute video. You can also find more videos with and about Ooby in this collection.
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Ooby was awesome & i am grateful to have been able to meet her a few times Emily. Patchy passed away a year ago at 14.5 and i miss him every day.
Hello there, Mark. So lovely to hear from you. And I am also so glad you got to meet Ooby. I totally identify with feeling the loss daily. I do as well. She remains in my heart and mind always. She taught me so very much, and through Bite Size Vegan was able to teach others around the world. Much love to you, my friend!
As a self diagnosed autistic and I didn’t realize it until very recently I relate to all of this so freaking much. I always felt like an outsider on the other side of the glass. My emotions have always been very big. I did not and never will understand unjustice things. Like people being mean or oblivious to their actions making things hard for other people. That my crankiness was not me being a brat. I was overstimulated and I didn’t know. My meltdowns were not me being a bad kid. I could not process everything. I have always loved animals way more than people. My grandmother remarked on it awhile that no matter where I was I always made an animal friend.
What you do for veganism is amazing. Your youtube videos and some documentaries are the reason I’ve been vegan for 6 years. Cuz you’re right after I knew what was going on I couldn’t look at my food without seeing the pain I was causing by eating it. I finished what I could of the food I had, sent the rest to my mom and never looked back. It’s not always easy because of where I live. I can’t eat out with friends or family hardly anywhere here. But I wouldn’t change a thing and I’ll never go back. So thank you for all you do. And thank you for speaking out about your autism. Hearing other autistic people speak of their experiences makes me feel less alone, more heard and understood. And more inside the glass. Just so happens to be a different room than I’d been seeing my whole life.
Karissa, I am so honored that what I shared resonated with you and your experiences. I can identify with everything you’ve said! I always thought I was just “too sensitive” or not trying hard enough to make it through life without everything being so intense and difficult. Understanding my Autism more and more has given me more and more insight and self-validation. Though it doesn’t mean the world understands, nor that the world is any more easy to navigate.
It’s always been somewhat of a painful process putting my content together. Trying to get into words everything I’m wanting to convey for the animals. But if I can help others make the connection, I have to try. And I do want to speak openly about autism. Because I too feel less alone when I hear other Autistics talk about their experiences. It’s brought me so much validation and comfort hearing my experiences put into words by others in ways I’d never been able to.
You are not alone. Much love
Emily,
I loved your video and wanted to wrap my arms around you.
I agree with you that some people are in denial about their diets because it would make them care about the animals slaughtered, abused, and animal family demise.
Please keep up the excellent work.
Thank you so much, Jane. I’m honored. I really appreciate you taking the time to share your feedback. Much love!
Emily, you are awesome! The courage you showed by making this excellent video is a wonderful example for all of us. Thank you!
Thank you so much, Jim. I’m honored by your words. This was very challenging to create, and I do feel quite vulnerable. But the hope that it will help others see non-human animals differently made it worth the effort! Many thanks, always for your encouragement.
Awesome presentation. Thank you for being brave!
Emily,
This was a beautiful article. I understood your comment “I empathize to a debilitating degree.” It hit home for me as I always felt I could feel all non-humans physical and emotional pain as if it was my own. I had never heard of anyone else having this until I read some Buddhist scriptures. If we could be as open and sharing as you are, Emily, we would all benefit, humans and non-humans. we need not feel we are alone.
Thank you so very much, Sally. As always, your thoughtful comments really touch my heart. I totally identify with what you’ve said. I actually had a line in the video that I cut for time about how I’d cry myself to sleep at night as a child, feeling the weight of all the suffering in the world—human and non-human alike. I too didn’t know others experienced that to that degree. I’m honored that you’ve shared this with me. And I’m honored by your words. I was so nervous putting this out into the world as I feel so vulnerable sharing it. But knowing it’s connected with your and others’ experiences does make it worth it. We all do need to feel less alone. Much love.
As someone who is also likely at least on the spectrum this article really chimed with me and meant a lot.
Thank you for writing it.
Richard, you are so very welcome. I’m honored to hear this resonated with you. Thank you for taking the time to comment!
Emily, for someone who struggles to put words together, you are incredibly articulate and poignant. Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you so very much, Freya. I am encouraged to hear that this come across well. The “final product” never shows the struggle of the process. But if what I create can make an impact, the effort is worth it by far. Many thanks and much love.
Thank you for sharing your poignant, eloquent, and personal account. And I am so happy that your autism led you to “a different conclusion” than that of celebrated autistic person, Temple Grandin.
Thank you so much, Kathleen. I too am glad I came to a different conclusion. To be honest, I’ve always been quite baffled with Grandin’s!
Thank you so much for sharing this; I am moved. It is rare that I tear up for or over a human.
Growing up feeling “too much” for animals (I still do) and being labeled “too sensitive” was baffling; you have given context to a connection I have never put together before. My childhood would have been far less lonely had I known you.
Oh, tenebrae. I wish I could reach out to you through the internet. This comment is so touching. I totally feel your bafflement. I’m honored that sharing my experience was able to provide you with some context for your own. My heart goes out to you. You are not alone.
Hi Emily, I was lucky in the fact that I was diagnosed with Autism as a young child, but I have always been a very sensitive person and I get emotional just watching sad movies sometimes, so I definitely agree that some Autistic people truly have a connection to animals. I also find animals extremely non-judgemental which is why I love them so much. From your fellow Australian vegan, Maxi. I love all the video content you create to spread the vegan message, but please try to avoid burnout if you can :D
Maxi, thank you so much for taking the time to share this with me. I can totally identify with your experience, including the emotional “safety” of animals. Human interaction can be so confusing and distressing. I really appreciate your kind words about my work. I’m doing my best to find balance, though to be honest, I’m not doing great with it! But I’m hoping to keep improving. Much love to you!
Emily, this is maybe your best ever- Just finished watching the video. I’m sorry it’s so draining for you feeling and articulating. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for persevering. Your work is helping so much.
Lyn, Thank you so very much for your profoundly moving feedback. I’m touched beyond words. Your support and encouragement means more to me than I can possibly ever say!
I once came to the conclusion that there was no getting around eating animals, and many more animals died because of my ignorance. I hope one day Grandin will see the flaw in her logic, as I did. P.S. It’s good to have you back Emily. You’ve been an inspiration to me from the start.
I am so touched by your words. I’m so grateful to hear you made the connection, and I too hope one day Grandin will as well. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I’m honored.
I cannot find the right words on how to thank you for this video and your courage, Emily.
I have been an animal activist for over 30 years and one of the things that’s frustrated me more than anything is wondering why and not being able to figure out how “other” people can look away from the suffering I have seen. It is truly a question that has had me pondering for decades.
Why don’t people seem to “see” the suffering going on and turn away from it? This has been true for people I’ve known, those who even also claim how much they “love animals”. What is with this dichotomy? How can they be so indifferent, even those that claim to be an animal lover?
I self-diagnosed myself with Asperger’s about 5 years ago, and it’s been a slow learning process to understand how “others” see the world. This video and article has COMPLETELY given me this new insight and perspective into the question that I have been looking for and not understanding, and that has frustrated me to no end for over 30 years.
After watching your video, the question in my mind has now changed from “what is so different about other people?” to “what is so different about how I think?”. That may seem like a small change, but my life has been completely changed after seeing things through this new perspective that your video presented to me.
I may not still ever be able to understand others’ feelings (or lack of), but at least now I can stop being so extremely frustrated with not understanding how others can think so differently in the first place. Your words have allowed me to see the world from a completely different viewpoint. It’s not so much that others are “different”, but switching that perspective to the concept that I have capabilities that others do no possess.
It’s very hard to not being able to unsee something once I have seen it, but at least now I have some understanding as to why others are able to do this. I, too, have become very jaded about homo sapiens and the world that has been created by them. Being able to see things from the new perspective that you have provided me may not solve this problem, but it has given me an enormous amount of relief to have a much better understanding of the question that has plagued me for so long and that I could never seem to answer.
This is a long post, but your video has literally changed my life for the better. Thank you so much, Emily. I wish I had better words to better express my gratitude, but I am so thankful to you. Thank you for changing my life!
Much love,
Christine
p.s. You seem pretty on top of things, but please always remember to take care of yourself and emotional state. If not for yourself, do it for the animals. They very much needed your wisdom and voice. xoxo
Christine, words totally fail me to communicate the profound impact your comment has had upon me. I’m beyond honored to hear how this resonated with you and helped you find some clarity/perspective shift. This makes all of the work I put into this more than worth it.
It was very difficult to get all of this into words, and I feel equally challenged with how to adequately reply to what you’ve shared! I cannot possibly express adequately what it means to be to have been of any help. I know how difficult this world is for brains like ours! If I have been able to bring even the slightest relief, or quite even one of the billion points of “noise” for you, it’s an honor.
I can totally identify with what you’ve shared. About not understanding why others don’t seem to “get it”, about not being able to unsee or unlearn… Ours is a life of “intensity” for sure! Thank you for your reminder for me to care for myself. I am truly awful at that and always burning out. I am really trying to get better at this, as I know I can’t continue my work if I continue doing that!
Again, I know I am failing to respond with the fullness that your comment deserves. But please know that this truly touched me and changed MY life for the better! Much love and all my thanks!
Am a vegan/ animal activist from Sondu, Kenya. I love your story that inspired me to request a working together to promote veganism awareness and animal rights protection. Yes am the disability coordinator for the disabled people in my area so l need your help to move forward to love animals.
I am glad to see your video, when I first began to study Veganism I stumbled across Your YouTube videos, it made it so much more enjoyable to hear words that mirrored my own. To share with what I grew to see as a friend espouse words, ideas that seemed to me at the time so obvious and yet lifelong friends at the time sneered at such concepts as the ethical path.
This sharing of ideas, feelings and deep psychological aspects to Vegan motivations is wonderfully giving on a deep personal level. It offers aspects that are a part of , and yet also far beyond levels many Veganism Videos often share, thank you.
Mira, I’m so glad to hear that this resonated with you. I’m truly honored. Thank you for taking the time to share this with me. Much love!
Hi Emily, I love all your work, You are an amazing person! Thank you for everything that you are doing!! I have been watching your videos for years now, and I believe in everything that you are saying, you have taught me not just about “not eating animals and their by-products”, but about the bees, the wool, the silk, the leather, etc. I have “always” connected to animals, all my life, and found myself to be such a hypocrite. I actually went vegan on a cruise ship after watching several documentaries on veganism that my daughter wanted to share with me. I have been vegan for 7 years now, wish I was older in vegan years, I always say, but I found you in 2015 and am so glad that I did, and now you are sharing about your autism, and I believe, that I am on the spectrum and, we know, for sure that my daughter is. Finally realizing this has given us so much more information and knowledge to work with. I have mapped out a life that works for me, but now knowing that I am on the spectrum helps with all the “whys” and the “whys” with my daughter. Again, thank you for all that you do…. YOU have helped me so much! xo YOU are an inspiration!
kt, what an HONOR it is to hear this. This really touched me—I’ve honestly teared up reading your words. I’m incredibly honored to have had any role in your journey. And I’m so glad to hear that you’ve created a life that works for you. That’s NO easy feat for anyone—much less those of us on the spectrum! (I’m still working on it myself). Thank you so much for taking the time to share this with me. It really means the world to me.
Much Love to YOU💗
Thank you so much, KT! To you as well :)
It’s so nice to read something about autism written by an autistic person. I totally agree with everything you wrote. “Being Their Advocate, Not Their Voice”. That’s something I will never forget. Thank you for sharing your thoughts <3
Candela, I’m so honored to hear that this resonated with you! I also find it most resonate when reading content about Autism by actually Autistic people. We are generally the best sources for conveying our experience, rather than those outside of our own minds attempting to do so. Thank you for taking the time to share this with me. It truly means the world!
Hi Emily, I found your post after googling ‘autistic hyper empathy animals’, I didnt know what to search to try and see if I was alone in my struggles.
You worried you didn’t capture the right words to explain your discussion/concept; but for me (your target audience was specific, but if you know you know) it was just right. Thankyou for making me feel not alone. Alisha
Alisha, thank you so much for taking the time to share this with me. It truly means a lot to hear how my work connects with people…especially about something so very personal and challenging to convey. I cannot tell you how honored I am that this resonated with you and your experience. You are NOT alone. And thank you again so very much!