My heart is forever broken.
This is a really hard video for me to make.[this is a straight transcription of the video, which was not scripted]
In the last month or so she got a really bad skin issue and they couldn’t figure out what it was.
And she started not eating as much.
We tried all kinds of tests and they finally found out the skin issue but something else was happening and they don’t, they don’t know what it was.
Yesterday she wouldn’t eat at all and I called the vet and they told me that they had exhausted everything that they could do and I had to go to a specialist in an ER and I took her there.
They did an ultrasound and they kept her there for most of the day.
They still didn’t know what was wrong.
They said I could take her home and I I did.
And then, when I got her home she passed out and I thought she died but she just passed out and I took her back, I rushed her back and they admitted her to put her on an IV and I didn’t want to leave her because I didn’t want her to die without me there.
So I got a hotel right next to the ER because it’s far away from my house and I got the hotel and I just got into the room and they called me and so I sped there.
And when I ran in they were doing C.P.R on her but she was already gone.
And it breaks my heart that I wasn’t there for her.
I sat with her for hours and I just held her and I talked to her.
I woke up this morning and I can’t believe that I am living in a world that doesn’t have Ooby in it. Because she is my baby. And I know that so many of you guys loved her too. She has so many fans. It was so fast and no one knows what happened. But she is a bulldog and this is what happens when we breed animals to suit what we want and not for them.
She suffered so much because of what we wanted her to look like and she was such a good girl, she loved everybody and I feel like my hearts been ripped out of my chest.
I don’t know what this week is going to look like. I had videos planned of course and since starting Bite Size Vegan I have never missed a video and I have had a lot of crap happen in my life, you know. But, I never let it stop me from putting out the education, you know.
I’ve put out videos while I’m in the ER myself, you know I never stop and I don’t know if I am going to actually take a week or not. I don’t want the channel to suffer because the mission is greater than me, you know it is. I’ve worked so hard to build this channel and to get the message out there. You know, I don’t want to, I don’t want to hurt the overall mission.
And it might be that I feel better if I am working but we’ll see okay? Please don’t give up on me if I don’t post something. And also if I do post some videos that are, you know, that are educational or fun or something and I am in those videos and I’m you know I’m smiling and I seem ok that’s just because those videos are going to be there and I want them to be there for people who need the information and who might not know of Ooby and so for them I need the video to be separate from it but don’t think that I am not thinking of her and that I am not completely broken because I am never going to be okay without her. But I might put videos up we’ll see okay and I might seem okay in them but it is not because I am not thinking of her because when the camera goes off I will think of her every moment of every day.
I might do a video about Ooby.
So I guess just stay tuned. I feel silly putting up anything, you know, ‘cause I don’t want it to make it seem like I’m not…like the world hasn’t changed because it’s never going to be the same. And you know it just makes my heart hurt that much more for all the animals out there who lose their babies because of what we do. I just did the Draw My Life about the dairy cow and her baby and she didn’t get to be there when her baby died.
And I don’t think for a second that they don’t feel what I am feeling. Okay. So I guess just stay tuned I don’t know what I’m going to do I never stop, like I never stop working so we’ll see. But just I guess don’t give up on me cause she was my everything and I am never going to forget her not one thing about her.
Thank all of, thank you guys, all of you. I want to thank my Patrons. All my patrons on Patreon you guys have been with me through this entire thing. You guys have been there this whole battle with her and I thank you guys so much for being there for me. I really, having you guys is like, you are like my family. Thank you for being there.
And now everyone else on YouTube has seen me cry which my patrons have seen a lot so. Alright I am going to wrap it up ’cause this is a long video.
But I wanted you guys to know because she’s, she was the heart and soul of Bite Size Vegan and I can’t believe she is not here. Alright, I guess, yeah stay tuned cause I’ll get started if I don’t do videos this week it will definitely be next week when I try and get back into the swing of things and yeah like I said I’ll look composed and stuff because I always do. I mean there is a lot of stuff that goes on in my life that, that I don’t show because my videos are not about me they are about educating and they’re about getting the message out there so, I know how to, I know how to put that on and to do that when I need to do it and so, that’s what I’ll do.
Because it’s going to be out there for just the people who need the information and don’t know about my personal life and that’s okay. But it’s not because I have forgotten her and it’s not because my heart isn’t ripped in two. Alright, for real, I am going to stop the video. Thank you guys for everything.
— Emily Moran Barwick